fanfic; irrevocably

[acperience]

Title: Irrevocably
Series: Arc Rise Fantasia
Character(s): Dynos, Cecille, Ryfia, and others.
Warnings: Mild violence and death.The melodrama that is Dynos? Also, lack of proofreading that probably shows.
Summary: [AU, continuation of this] Dynos makes a decision.
Dedication: To igiko.
Note: In this 'verse, Dynos and Adele ruining the treaty couldn't have happened, so Alf never became ruler. The events at the Lascarde Skywalk and whatnot are the same though, because I got lazy and couldn't think of a different scenario for this.



—

Irrevocably

—


He's drowning. He's drowning, because he can't find any foundation to stand upon anymore, because everything is crashing around him, stealing away the air—

Or, at least, that's how Dynos feels right now.

He can see the ocean from his position on the Verct Skywalk. Admittedly, the Hozone pollution and crystallization make it difficult, but even through the haze, he can just make out the poisoned water, stretching out to the horizon. The ocean is something very familiar to him, as he'd spent many hours during his childhood by the shore, collecting shells and staring out into the waves. Once, he'd been in awe at how endless the sea seemed, and thought it to be majestic, almost.

Now, all he can see is an expanse of water that threatens to suffocate him with its size, making Dynos feel pitifully small. It isn't majestic, merely a reminder of how large the world is—and yet there's no room for him in it.

His hands tighten into fists as he waits for the remaining Child of Eesa and the others—the ones who took Lady Ryfia away from him, the ones who replaced him—to arrive. In his impatience, he glances over to where Clyde should be, even if he can't see him from here. Not because he thinks the man will abandon his post, for he knows that Clyde is as loyal to Alf as Dynos is—no, was—to Lady Adele. Rather, there's a sense of discomfort brewing in his stomach, as he can't quite fit in with his current company. He barely even knows Alf and Clyde. He's not sure if he ever truly belonged, but at least with Lady Adele around, he could pretend he did.

Now, all delusions have been stripped away, and Dynos feels like a stranger—to Alf and Clyde, to his sister and Lady Ryfia, and to himself.

... Why is he even here?

He was told to stand and fight L'Arc's group once they arrive—for they surely will—so that they couldn't advance. This way, Real's crystallization can continue. Alf intends to destroy the world, and out of loyalty, Clyde follows.

Dynos follows because he doesn't know what else he's supposed to do now.

Ciel had been his saviour. She'd taken him—a lost Divine Race kid in a world unfamiliar to him—and given him shelter. She'd been kind and gentle, like the mother he never knew. He thought that he'd be content forever under her care, helping her to the best of his ability. Even when she died, he hadn't lost hope, for there was still Ryfia.

Ryfia, her naive but equally mild-mannered daughter. She had that kind of air that made all those around her adore her, Dynos included. Perhaps not so overtly, and her friendliness had sometimes made him feel awkward, but he'd been as devoted to her as he had been to her mother—a devotion that had only strengthened after Ciel's death. Of course, he hadn't been with her after then, but not a day went by where he didn't think of her, praying that she was safe and well.

—Only to almost wish he hadn't when she returned as unharmed as could be, but with new companions. They were his replacement, even if it hadn't been put so explicitly, and Walter hadn't even brought them up. There was no need for that, though, as Dynos had gotten the message, loud and clear.

He wasn't needed.

But Lady Adele, who was more bold than naive and more ruthless than gentle, had needed him. True, he felt a bit out of place, as someone who'd been faithful to Imaginal just a short while ago, and Lady Adele's vicious manner was rather intimidating, but he had a sense of purpose and was desperate to keep it.

And yet again, it was ripped out of his hands—not by a replacement, but due to a failure on his part. He wasn't able to protect her.

... Perhaps that was why he'd been replaced as Lady Ryfia's aide.

And so, he stares ahead, waiting for the impending fight. All of his instincts are screaming at him to run, like how he ran from Benetnasch and everything he didn't want to face. He doesn't want to see any of them again: Lady Ryfia and his sister. The girl he once served and the sister he's fought so many times before, but never like this.

But he has to, for the sake of—

... For the sake of what?

He doesn't know if anyone can even be saved, but this isn't what he believes in. He doesn't want to see the world be destroyed. He tries to imagine it in the state the Verct Skywalk is in, filled Hozone pollution. He tries to imagine the ocean beyond his sight, no longer a sparkling blue, but dulled by toxin instead. He tries to imagine everyone—the Empire, the Republic, Olquina, the Common Race, the Divine Race—dead.

It hurts, even more than the unease weighing down on his shoulders.

He knows he can't let Alf go through this (because damn it, doesn't this go against everything he's been fighting for?). At the same time, he stays rooted to the ground.

Because, as much as he wants to save everyone, he also wants to feel needed. Even if he feels like an outsider, following Alf and Clyde is his duty. To defy Alf would be the same as ripping the remnants of his purpose right out of his own hands, even if it's not the purpose he wants to pursue.

It sounds ridiculous in Dynos's head, as he tries to justify it to himself, but he still can't bring himself to leave, even as he spots the Lightship in the sky.

—

They stop in surprise when they see him.

He meets Cecille and Lady Ryfia's eyes for a moment, before he moves his gaze to look elsewhere, pretending that he isn't. His instincts are screaming at him even harder now, and it takes all of his effort to stay where he is and to keep a straight face.

"Dynos..." Cecille says, her voice uncertain.

"Alf is up ahead with Real," he says, keeping his voice as level as he can. "I assume you intend to stop him."

"That's right," the brown-haired boy—L'Arc, the one Lady Ryfia chose over him—says. "So, are you gonna let us through?"

Dynos's only answer is the light surging beneath his feet.

"I'm guessing that means no!" the orange-haired man—Serge?—says, as everyone scatters.

"I command you to burn!" Dynos shouts, focusing on the spell, only the spell—

The fire erupts where the oldest of the group is standing, safely away from his sister and Lady Ryfia. He's being a coward, he knows. He has to attack them, sooner or later.

The man lets out a grunt, before the burns on his body begin to heal, courtesy of a certain Diva.

"Shame on me for trusting you," she says, her voice harder than he's ever known it to be. Her words stab into him, the guilt eating away at him as he almost falters.

You betrayed my trust first, Lady Ryfia.

He doesn't have much time to be hurt, though, as he moves just in time to avoid Cecille's punch. Immediately, he responds by sending a pulse of energy her way, trying not to feel anything as she winces in pain. She returns the favour by launching another punch—one that he doesn't have time to avoid, and so instead tries to block.

It really is different from all their other fights, where they fought to improve and to see which one of them was better—a friendly competition. Here, they're fighting to truly defeat the other, holding back nothing. Cecille's fighting to fulfill her goal, and Dynos...

He's fighting so as to not let go of someone else's goals, when he doesn't even believe in them.

He doesn't know how to justify that anymore.

Perhaps the battlefield isn't the best place to have such a revelation, but it finally sinks in, as he dodges a knife throw, how utterly pointless this all is. There's no reason for them to be fighting. He wants for the world to be saved, as they do. So why can't he stand down?

... No, that's a meaningless question. He knows why.

Because he's far, far too weak.

If their goals are the same, then that's it for him. They don't need his help. Clyde and Alf are the only ones who do now.

He's too weak to stand watching as L'Arc and his friends take everything away from him again.

For the first time, Dynos truly understands what they mean by "between a rock and a hard place". On one hand, if he wins, then there won't be anyone left to stop Alf, and the world will end. On the other hand, if he loses, then he'll still lose everything. Neither is a fate he wants. And so, he doesn't know what to do.

He's incredibly selfish, he realizes. He must be, if he's willing to drag everyone down with him out of a fear of being discarded. No matter what happens, he won't be able to live with himself.

Live...

And it's then that Dynos sees a solution.

—And the perfect moment to execute it. L'Arc's swinging his sword towards him in what's likely meant to be a non-lethal blow, but that isn't what Dynos needs right now. Wryly, he thinks that perhaps that's for the best, for he'd rather not lose his arm in the process, even if he won't be needing it. Either way, as L'Arc brings his blade down towards him, he lifts his arm—a planned gesture, rather than out of instinct.

The sword meets his Dragon Gem. L'Arc's eyes widen in horror, the realization of what he's just done no doubt dawning upon him, but strangely enough, all Dynos can focus on is the sound, as his gem shatters into pieces.

It's the sound of his death.

It doesn't take long before pain surges through his body, as he falls to his knees, screaming. It's worse than anything he's ever experienced before, as he barely holds onto consciousness, inwardly crying for oblivion. He's vaguely aware of voices calling out his name, and instead tries to focus on them, desperate for some relief.

"You..." he speaks, his voice strained as he summons all the strength that he can right now. "You have to..."

"Dynos!" Cecille. Or at least he thinks it is—it's difficult to identify voices when he's occupied with trying to hold back his screams.

"He's turning into a Feldragon," the man he'd first attacked speaks. The others react with surprise, though Dynos doesn't hear what they say, a wave of excruciating blocking out all noise for what feels like eternity but was, in all likelihood, a mere few seconds.

"You have to stop Alf," he says. "Please... protect this world, Cecille... Lady Ryfia..."

"Dynos..." Lady Ryfia this time. "If our goals were the same, then why did you try and stop us?"

... Ah. Normally, Dynos would avoid such a question, but in his state, he's tired. It's a strange way of putting it, when his body is destroying itself, but he's sincerely tired of hiding things. Of bottling up all his feelings, of holding back words that he's so desperate to say.

If he's going to die, then he might as well.

"My duty," he answers, hoping that she'll understand.

"But your duty was to the Imaginal Diva, Dynos! You were her aide!" Cecille exclaims, her hands on her hips. There's anger in her voice, but fear and concern as well.

... His sister still cares for him. It's comforting, even if he just about threw away all of that.

"I was..." he says. "But then you... you all replaced me."

"Replaced?" There's confusion in her voice, before Lady Ryfia interjects.

"You weren't replaced at all, Dynos! They're all my friends, but I still thought of you as my aide—as my friend too! I was so happy to see you again, when we returned to Benetnasch!"

Dynos continues. He doesn't have the strength to say any more than what's needed.

"Walter dismissed me... saying that I was a... liability," he says, remembering how his world had crashed around him that day. "There was no place for me there anymore."

And in the end, there wasn't a place for him on Real's side either.

"But I don't want everything to end..." he says, taking advantage of the ensuing silence. "So please... stop Alf."

There's another moment of silence, before L'Arc breaks it.

"... You have my word." He then approaches Dynos, undoubtedly intending to finish him off and put him out of his misery—Dynos can only guess that the other Divine Race member elaborated on his current state. Before L'Arc can get close enough, however, a young voice speaks.

"... No. Let me handle this." Cecille's voice is quiet, to the point where Dynos almost doesn't hear it over his pounding head, but resolute. She's grown a lot, Dynos thinks, even if she still has a long way to go.

Still, she's gotten further than he ever has.

When Cecille moves to kill him, his life doesn't flash before his eyes. Rather, he finds himself struggling through the memories, thinking over everything that was, is, and will—or rather, never will—be. He thinks of his father, whose approval he spent his childhood trying to win, only to never receive it. He died, after all, and Dynos still can't bring himself to forgive him for that.

It occurs to him that Cecille doesn't know, but it's too late to tell her. Perhaps it's better that she doesn't, so she can remain blissfully ignorant. It might not be what she wants, but Dynos doesn't even know how to give himself what he wants, let alone others.

He thinks of Lady Ryfia and what she might be feeling right now. He doubts that she hated him for his betrayal, as someone too kind to truly hate, but he remembers her words—shame on her for trusting him, wasn't it? There's a dim hope that, with the truth of his motivations out now, she'll have forgiven him.

He thinks of Ciel, and wonders if he'll see her again in the afterlife, if there is one. Or if a kind soul like hers and a corrupt one like his are forbidden to meet, and he'll spend the rest of eternity just as damned as he was when alive. The thought scares him, but it's better than what he has now, feeling like he needs to make decisions without knowing what to decide. At least in death, he'll never have to choose anything again. And perhaps, that'll be the greatest peace he'll ever know.

He realizes that really, it's been this way all his life. Him never being able to articulate what he wanted, always following other's desires, and never getting anywhere himself. Someone who was always expendable, because he never held any value on his own. Ultimately, he shouldn't be surprised that he turned out to be such a failure, when he was never really anything but.

Perhaps this was his fate, right from the start.

"I'm sorry..." he chokes out. Whom exactly he's apologizing to, he doesn't know. Ultimately, he supposes, he's sorry to everyone, and for everything.

But even so—

Please protect this world.

Because in the end, the one thing he does know is that he truly, truly desires that.